There are conversations that stay with you. Not just because of what was said, but because of what it awakens in you after. And that’s exactly where I found myself this week… still sitting with my conversation with Lillian Blake.
If you listened to last week’s episode, you know her story. Young. Just 20 years old. Already walking the path of sobriety.
But what I can’t stop thinking about isn’t just how she got there. It’s what came after. When we talk about addiction, we talk about the chaos, the pain, the rock bottom moments, but we don’t talk enough about what happens when the noise stops.
When the numbing goes away and when you’re left alone with yourself.
The Part No One Prepares You For
One of the most honest things she said to me was that she didn’t know what to do with what she was feeling.
And I want you to really sit with that for a second, because how many of us have been there? Not knowing what to do with what we feel. Not knowing how to hold it, process it, or even name it.
And instead, we escape, we numb, and we avoid.
And while alcohol was Lily's choice outlet, the truth is addiction can find a foothold in anything.
Phones.
Food.
Work.
Distractions.
Even constant busyness.
Anything that helps us not feel.
And the truth is, most of us don’t end up there because something is “wrong” with us. We end up there because we don’t know how to regulate what’s happening inside of us.
Let’s Set Something Straight
Somewhere along the way, we were taught that there are “emotional people" and then there are people who aren’t. This always made me laugh, because it’s just not true.
If you are human, you are emotional.
Period.
There is no exception to that.
Some of us express it outwardly. Some of us keep it inside. But all of us feel. And when we don’t know how to handle those feelings, we look for something to help us cope. That’s where the patterns begin. That’s where addiction, avoidance, and numbing take root.
What Happens When You Stop Numbing
This is where it gets real.
Because when you remove the coping mechanism, everything you’ve been avoiding doesn’t disappear. It waits. And then it comes back. All at once.
Lily talked about how she wasn’t “emotional” before. But after getting sober, she started feeling everything.
Her sensitivity increased.
Her feelings were getting hurt.
She found herself crying.
And more than anything, she felt confused. Confused about who she was. Confused about why she felt so different.
But here’s the truth I want you to hear. She wasn’t becoming someone new. She was finally meeting herself.
Because when you live through the filter of addiction, you don’t actually know who you are.
You only know who you are through the lens of your addiction.
The Role of Anger, Avoidance, and Vulnerability
Something else that really stood out to me in this conversation was the role anger played.
Before sobriety, anger was her default. And if you’ve been with me for a while, you know this. Anger is often a masking emotion.
It protects.
It shields.
It gives us something stronger to stand on, so we don’t have to feel the vulnerability underneath.
Because vulnerability feels exposed. It feels unsafe. It feels weak even though it’s actually the opposite.
So when the alcohol went away, so did the shield.
And what was left?
Vulnerability.
Truth.
Real emotion.
And that’s the part that feels the hardest.
You’re Not Broken. You’re Unequipped.
If you find yourself in this same position, I want you to know you didn’t fail at handling your emotions. You were never taught how.
Maybe you were told to:
Pray it away.
Push through it.
Ignore it.
Distract yourself.
We are rarely taught how to actually sit with our emotions.
How to understand them.
How to move through them.
You cannot process what you cannot name.
Most people can only identify a handful of emotions.
That’s not a personal failure.
That’s a lack of tools.
Tools to Begin Again
I want to give you a few things that we talked about, things that are simple but powerful.
1. Identify What You’re Feeling
Start with awareness.
Not just “I feel bad” or “I feel off.”
Get specific.
This is where something like an emotion wheel becomes so helpful.
When you can name it…
You can begin to process it.
2. Feel It in Your Body
Ask yourself:
Where do I feel this?
Your body is always communicating with you.
But most of us aren’t listening.
Wholeness isn’t just mental or emotional.
It’s physical too.
3. You Don’t Have to Fix It
This one is big.
Not every emotion needs to be solved.
Sometimes it just needs to be felt.
Emotions move through the body quickly.
What keeps them alive is our mind replaying them over and over again.
So instead of trying to fix it...
Pause.
Let it pass.
4. Write It Out
If you don’t know what to do with it…
Get it out.
Write everything.
The anger.
The confusion.
The thoughts you don’t want to admit.
You don’t have to keep it.
You can shred it. Burn it. Toss it.
But get it out of you.
Because what stays trapped inside…
Keeps its power.
5. Practice the Pause
This might be the simplest and most powerful tool of all.
Before you react…
Pause.
Before you numb…
Pause.
Before you go back to the pattern…
Pause.
Even three seconds can change everything.
Addiction Is a Cell With an Open Door
There was a line Lily said that I cannot let go of:
“Addiction is a cell with an open door. But you choose to stay.”
That hits hard.
Because it speaks to something deeper than the behavior.
It speaks to willingness.
Where are we placing our willingness?
Are we willing to stay in what’s familiar? Even if it’s hurting us? Or are we willing to step into something unknown in order to be free?
Key Takeaways
✨ If you are human, you are emotional. There is no exception
✨ Numbing is often a response to not knowing how to regulate
✨ Sobriety and healing bring awareness, not just relief
✨ Anger often protects deeper vulnerability
✨ You are not broken. You’ve just been unequipped
✨ Emotions don’t need to be fixed; they need to be felt
✨ The pause is one of the most powerful tools you have
✨ Healing is a return to who you’ve always been
Final Thought
If you’re in a place where everything feels overwhelming, where the emotions feel too big, where you’re tempted to go back to what numbs you.
I want you to remember this:
There is nothing wrong with you.
You are not broken.
You are feeling.
And feeling is the beginning of freedom.
You don’t have to run from it.
You just have to be willing…
To sit with it.
