I have been so excited to tell this part of my story.
If you’ve been listening over the past few weeks, thank you. I’m so grateful you’re here. I’m grateful you’ve stayed with me through the wild, the crazy, the raw, and the vulnerable parts.
If you’re just now joining in, I highly recommend going back and starting at the beginning so you can catch up to where we are now.
But this part? This is it. This is the pinnacle of my life up to this point. I’ve been thinking these past few days about how to tell this, how to share and express the truth of one of the greatest love stories that has ever lived in my life.
When Sean Walked In
When Sean walked into our lives, I was not expecting it. I was not looking for another man. I had just come off divorce number four. I was definitely not looking to get back into another relationship.
But when he walked into my home that night at four in the morning, he sat down, met my mom, and just poured his heart out to us. He shared his life story, the things he’d been through, trauma, abuse, his life as a Marine, and his family. I had never had an experience like that with another man before.
From the second I saw him, I was in complete awe of him. Not just physically. Emotionally, mentally, spiritually. Something in my spirit checked and said, yep. He’s it. Don’t let him get away.
Sean walked in that night and never left. It was like he had always been there, like he had gone on a sabbatical and finally came home.
Austin and Sean
Watching the connection between Sean and Austin was incredible. Austin doesn’t connect easily with men, especially in a father-figure situation. He’d been abandoned, and he’d seen me in and out of so many relationships that he kept walls up.
But when Sean came in, there was an immediate connection. Austin hugged him the very first time they met. They were fast friends.
I remember one night during that first week, Austin came over to Sean and said, “You know, the eyes are the window to the soul. But I can’t see yours.” Sean wore bright blue contacts over his blue eyes. Austin wanted to see his real eyes.
Sean was weird about it. He never took those contacts out. But he took Austin into the bathroom and showed him. After that, something solidified between them. No more reservations.
Married at Midnight
Sean came into my life on November 13th. We were married within about 45 days, on New Year’s Eve at midnight.
My grandfather married us. He’s been a pastor most of his life, and I’d never had him marry me before because of my own situations. But this time, he agreed. We got married in his home with just the four of us: me, Sean, my granddad, and grandma.
So now every New Year’s Eve kiss is also our anniversary kiss. We like to do things differently. We’re both weirdos. Both big kids in big bodies. I don’t think I could have ever come across another human more suited for me.
When Trauma Collides
The first years of our marriage were very difficult.
We got married, not knowing hardly anything about each other. I was carrying all the baggage from four marriages, all the trauma, all the unhealed parts. He was carrying his own deep-seated pain that took years to surface.
When you take two people who are trauma-filled, not healed, just trying to survive, your trauma collides. It creates little mini traumas throughout your relationship. Hurt people hurt people.
I spent a lot of those years pointing fingers. Why are you doing this? Why are you doing that? Most of that was coming from me. Sean never pointed out anything wrong with me. But I could be condescending, abrasive, and demanding. I had all these unhealed things creating anger and hostility.
Getting Out of God’s Way
I remember having a come-to-Jesus moment. I went into a room in the middle of the night, lit a candle, and told God all about everything I was unhappy about. He needs to do this, he needs to do that. Why would you bring me somebody who doesn’t even believe in you?
And then I heard it. Not audibly in the room, but it came over me: “I can’t do anything because you’re in my way.”
God was telling me to get out of the way so He could do what He needed to do.
That was not easy. I wanted control. But I had to ask myself: are we going to be like we’ve always been, or are we dedicated to not living the life we’ve lived before?
It took four years before I really saw Sean stepping into a whole new version of himself. And focusing on myself instead of trying to fix him? That meant facing my own demons, my own traumas. That’s not fun. But it was necessary.
A Household of Eleven
Over those years, we moved several times, lived with family, and moved across the country to Georgia. We eventually moved Sean’s sister and her three children into our home for three years. We dealt with abuse situations, mental disabilities, learning disabilities, and school boards. I homeschooled one of her children.
Eventually, our household grew to eleven people, and Sean and I were managing all by ourselves. He was financially holding us up, and I was the operations manager of our entire life.
Sean had warned me that bringing his sister in would break us apart. But something happened in the middle of all that chaos. We started uniting. We realized we were all each other had. There were too many balls to drop. We had to be united.
Nicaragua
In 2016, Sean came home one day expressing this immediate need to go on a mission trip. A co-worker had been sharing about one, and Sean wanted to go.
At this point, Sean was still agnostic. He believed something was out there, but didn’t know what. But he signed up to go to Nicaragua with a church I was attending.
He was gone for about eight days. It was the first time we’d been apart that long. I missed him so much.
On the third or fourth day, I got a text with a picture of him. I was at a snow cone place with all the kids when I opened it. I immediately started weeping. Whatever transformation took place while he was there, it was all over him. He looked like himself but like a completely different person. Glowing. Everything about him was different.
When he got off that plane, he was somebody else. God had miraculously transformed Sean’s life in that week. He went seeking and searching for answers, asking God if He was really real. And God showed up.
Everything Changed
After Nicaragua, everything was different. The way Sean did things, the way he spoke, the way he treated everybody. There was more compassion, more empathy, more motivation to grow together as a couple instead of just as individuals.
Thinking back to that night when God told me to get out of the way, here I was seeing the fruition of that almost four years later. Seeing what God could do versus what I could do.
His sister eventually moved out in 2017. Sean changed jobs and started working for a company in Florida. We started visiting Florida a lot. A whole new season began that was paving the pathway for what was to come.
Key Takeaways
✨ Sometimes the person meant for you shows up when you’re not looking and have given up trying.
✨ Two unhealed people in a relationship will experience trauma colliding, and that requires grace and patience.
✨ Getting out of God’s way is one of the hardest and most necessary things we can do.
✨ Transformation doesn’t happen on our timeline, but it does happen when we let go of control.
✨ Unity in marriage is forged in the fire, not in the easy seasons.
Final Thoughts
This is one of my favorite things to do: talk about what God has done in our lives and what is possible.
Not just for me, but for you.
I hope listening to my story, to our story, to the stories of others we share on here, shows you what is possible. No matter where you’ve been, no matter what you’ve done, no matter what you’ve experienced or where you’ve come from, no matter how bad you think it has been.
Freedom is the advantage you already own. It is on the other side, and you can find it.
Come back next week for part six. I hope you’re having a great week. Stay safe out there, and I’ll see you next time.
