The Weight of My World
Sometimes the weight of my own world is too much to bear, besides the weight of the world as a whole.
I think understanding that we all live within a world of our own, inside a world of others, is a lot to handle. Or overwhelming to think about at all. Each one of us that we encounter is all living in their own world, universe, within a world.
Worldception. Lol.
Living Inside So Many Worlds
The roles, thoughts, ideas, desires, and wants. All very different from another’s. And let’s be honest, most don’t share even a smudge of the truth inside their world.
That’s the great thing about it, right?
That it’s yours?
All alone.
No one to know what you do, think, or say, or how you feel.
How we feel?
How I feel?
Oh boy… that’s loaded.
Learning the Language of Emotion
Do I even know how I feel?
Do I understand how I feel?
Sometimes yes.
Sometimes no.
But mostly, I do not understand why I feel the way I do.
This is my journey now. My journey to wisdom in all things emotional and feelings.
Why do we feel the things we do?
What are we supposed to be learning?
What am I supposed to be learning?
What are they trying to tell me?
My emotions feel like a long-lost language from a world in which I don’t live. Far-off worlds and galaxies of encrypted code, I am trying to decipher.
Feeling Before Knowing
I feel it more than I know it.
But I know it’s truth.
I know it’s leading me and guiding me to where I belong. To a place where I am connected, strong, and at peace. A place where truth, authenticity, and belonging live.
This is the world we all live in as a whole. And for most of us, it is not our personal world either.
The Burden That Brings Wisdom
The weight of my world is the burden I carry for the privilege of wisdom to enter.
It’s dark here some days, and the clouds are consuming. But I know there is a path to a better place. I hear it calling. I feel it swirling about me.
Not all days are heavy, though. Most days for me are not. Not now anyway.
Mostly airy and light, like a warm breezy spring day. With hope and wonder, but always mixed with a dash of despair.
I think that’s the stars in me.
Longing for Something Beyond
The longing within keeps me at a distance from grounding to where I am. Longing for a world beyond me. A place amongst the heavens with a creator who is the ultimate artist.
Acknowledgment sometimes makes the difference.
See, it’s hard for me in my world to admit that or say that. Because in my world, I live with fears of death, being left, those left behind, a multitude of things.
I am starting to believe because I can feel the grief of myself, and it’s not good.
Wanting Nearness, Not Escape
I also don’t want to sound dark and deranged like I want to be dead, because I most certainly do not.
I want to be close.
To be connected to the Most High.
To indulge in His light and His wisdom.
To bathe in His warmth and love.
To know and feel beyond myself.
And to share with others and bring them to the same place.
The most intimate of relationships.
I want His glory all over me.
Desire… I get it now.
His glory.
My devotion.
Marriage.
The weight today feels heavy, but my search for wisdom compels me as a journey forward.
Til tomorrow.
