I wanted to share a poem I wrote earlier this year. It reflects how shame has felt for me: bitter, overwhelming, and sometimes consuming.
SHAME
“Shame tastes bitter in my mouth.
Filling my senses with its presence and overwhelming me.
Coming in when I’m vulnerable without permission
leaving me no control.
It comes when it wants; it leaves when it wants,
leaving a reminiscence of its presence in its wake.
Bitterness… It’s what I taste;
It's dry, empty staleness remains on my palate until it fades…
until next time.
Cover it
Hide it
Mask it
Let no one know
Let no one see where it resides.
It comes pretending it’s someone I’ve never met,
a new intruder at my door,
only to figure out it’s been here all along
something I’m so familiar with.
It’s waiting in the shadows to overtake me once again,
just when I thought I had escaped.
Shame.
It tastes bitter in my mouth,
yet I find myself wrapping up in its comfort.
In its grip, I find myself loathing myself.
Here is where I know myself.
For who am I without it?”
Writing this poem was my way of shining a light on shame, exposing it, naming it, and acknowledging its grip on my life. Shame plays such an intricate part in our lives. It lives in the dark and grows until it has full control, but when we expose it to the light and share it with others, it can no longer control and has power. It dies under the gaze of truth, so here I am shining light on what was once dark that I may be free.
