Let's Chat
Addiction, Willingness, & Choosing You

Welcome back, friends. Today’s episode is our Let’s Chat: Real Questions and Real Answers.

If you’ve been following along over the past few episodes, we’ve been diving into Lily’s story, what it actually looks like to grow, to change, to recover, and what sobriety looks like in real life.

Today I answer your questions!

Question 1:

"I'm drinking. How do I know if I actually have a problem… or if I’m just having fun?”

This question carries so much weight because most addictions don't start out troublesome; they don't look dangerous, at least not at first.

They look normal.

Social.
Fun.
Temporary.
Manageable.

Until one day, they aren’t.

Something Lily said was super powerful. She said, “I realized I had a problem when I couldn’t be happy without it.”

And that really is the line.

It’s not about how often you’re doing something. It’s about whether you need it to feel okay. You can’t relax without it. You can’t cope without it. You can’t feel like yourself without it.

That’s when it’s not just fun anymore. It becomes something you’re dependent upon.

That’s the shift.

When something stops being a choice and starts becoming a requirement. 

You don’t know how to feel okay without it anymore.

And if I’m honest, I think this applies to far more than alcohol.

You can escape life and become numb with all kinds of things like relationships, distractions, scrolling, chaos, and even busyness.

Anything that helps us not sit with ourselves.

Coming from my own experience, I used to be married to an alcoholic. It was always “we’re having a good time.” We went out every night with friends, we were drinking, and that was the life I lived with him. Being someone who never drank, it was easy for me to see there was an issue from the outside. But he didn’t realize he had a problem.

It wasn’t until later that the signs got worse. He began drinking after we got home at three in the morning. He began hiding it, and he started drinking and driving.  And he became unable to be without it. He could no longer regulate without alcohol. Those were the signs that things were getting worse. And what was once a seemingly fun thing was now a full blow addicition. 

But how do you know if there’s a problem versus just having fun? 

The words “I need” are a good trigger for the brain. 

And I say this with no judgment at all. We all have our path to walk and things we struggle with. Mine may not be alcohol, but it’s other things. You don’t always just start with addiction. Sometimes it creeps up slowly, and before you know it, you’re in too deep.

Question 2:

What Does It Actually Mean to Be Willing?

This is a thing, right? Willingness is a word that keeps getting thrown around a lot lately. "Just be willing." If you’re willing to do this, if you’re willing to do that. It’s a word we hear constantly in the recovery, growth, and trauma space.

I love this question because I talk about willingness a lot. When I was in coaching school, they wanted me to pick a niche. And I struggled because I couldn’t just pick one. But what I learned was that my niche is the willing.

It doesn’t matter where you’re from, what you’ve done, what you’ve been through, or what you need help with. You need to be willing to do what it takes to get where you want to be. If you’re not, you won’t get there.

Something Lily said is a great way to reframe willingness. She said, “We’re always willing. It’s just what are you willing to do?”

And it's so true. It’s not about a lack of willingness. Because we’re willing to go back to what’s comfortable, to avoid what’s difficult, to choose what’s familiar, to continue in our addictions, or to stay in toxic relationships. We are willing to do these things. 

So it isn’t really a lack of willingness. The question really is: What am I willing to choose?

Being willing means choosing what’s right for you versus what’s not good for you. It’s turning your willingness from one direction to another.

Question 3:

“How do I actually start choosing myself when everything in me wants to go back?”

When I read this, I laughed because...yeah, let me tell you. Choosing ourselves is not easy.

We think it is. We do choose things for parts of ourselves, our ego, or our pride. But we rarely stand up and say, “I’m gonna choose the vulnerable side. I’m gonna choose self-care. I’m gonna choose growth. I’m gonna lean into my truth.”

Lily said that even after choosing sobriety, even after choosing what was good for her, there were still moments when she constantly questioned it.

Choosing yourself is not a one-time decision. It’s a repeated one. Sometimes not just in a day, but sometimes in every moment.

When I wake up, I have to choose myself. I know what works best for me. I talked last week about alignment and having to get up and do the things that ground and center me. That is something I have to choose every day because sometimes I’d rather choose sleep.

I’m a night owl. I stay up late. Sometimes I have to choose sleep even when I’m not tired. And sometimes after staying up all night, I wake up groggy and think, “Now I need to write.” The bed is cozy. I’d rather be there than write three pages of random thoughts. But I have to choose myself in that moment.

After that, I have to choose myself again with movement, with building my spirit, with starting my day, with my purpose.

Choosing ourselves is something we do repeatedly in uncomfortable moments, emotional ones, and the moments where the old feels way easier.

Sometimes choosing yourself looks like pausing instead of reacting, staying instead of escaping, and feeling instead of numbing.

Those things can feel small, but they’re not. They’re powerful steps.

Key Takeaways

✨ Addiction isn’t about how often you do something; it’s about whether you need it to feel okay.

✨ Willingness isn’t something we lack. It’s about what we’re willing to choose.

✨ Choosing yourself is not a one-time decision; it’s a repeated one, sometimes moment by moment.

✨ Comfort is the cancer of growth.

✨ Growth isn’t linear. It’s a step-by-step process with no right or wrong way to do it.

Final Thoughts

If you’ve been listening to this series and found yourself in any of these conversations or questions, I want you to know you’re not alone.

Whether you find yourself in addiction or in your own sobriety, I pray that you keep moving. Keep seeking. Keep reaching for freedom every day.

I pray you find the support you need. And if you don’t have it, reach out. Reach out to me. I’m here. I’m willing to support you and help you find the right support.

I’m super grateful that Lily came on and was willing to share her story. I hope it reaches far and wide, and that somewhere in it you found something to take away.

No matter what you’ve been through, where you’re at, or where you’re going, freedom is the advantage you already own.

You just have to be willing to reach out and grab it.