When They Are Gone
What are you gonna do when they are gone?
Who are you then?
Who are you and your spouse?
I am in a race, and all I can see is the upcoming hurdles. Right now, I am jumping over the smaller ones at the beginning. But the further I go, the hurdles keep getting bigger and bigger. I am scared I am going to start tripping over them and knocking them down.
Fear of What Comes Next
I am afraid of what will become of me. I am not really sure what this life looks like without them here. Everything will be different, and I am worried about not having a purpose and focus. I worry I will inadvertently sabotage what I do have.
I suppose I am feeling a little incapable right now.
New chapters are being written every day, it seems.
Breathing into a new life isn’t easy, but I have more time to focus on me.
Grieving the Life That Was
So much is changing, and seeing as how I have always welcomed change and have even longed for it, I find it funny that I am now grappling for the time that has already escaped my fingers.
Grasping for any shred of it that I can cling to.
But alas, time has elapsed.
No more “pick up your clothes,” “clean your dishes,” “take out the trash,” “don’t drive too fast,” “don’t be late,” “be careful,” and all the other mom quotes.
Now is the time for me to re-shift my mind.
Focus on me and my new journey.
Now it’s just me, left with me.
I am older, my children are grown, and I feel all alone.
Alone with myself.
Me and who I am.
Alone with my new, no longer wanted freedom from responsibility.
Alone with my lover, my partner, and who we are together.
It is hard for me to let go of the past and life as I have known it. Life is changing, and we are all moving forward. I am embarking on new territory, and I know it’s gonna be great, and that I am strong and capable.
But it’s terrifying!
